so much winter in one night / long distance call

try hard enough to become something you're not and eventually you'll succeed ¹

---

there's
a bear onsie on my bed
and a letter on my desk
celebrate forever, san francisco
all the sad young men

i tried to look up
'safe places to eat alone
in the city'
to no avail - so i called you
at home but the phone
just kept ringing
and i ran out
of quarters

i looked back across the bridge
to see them
tearing down the golden lights
and putting them out along
with the trees, ready to smother
another new year with
expectation
and black coffee

a burnt out firework
snuffed out in mid air, another year
extinguished
and ready to swallow
wash it down with the tide

wash it down with the sea ²

this year i told my self
i wouldn't write sad things
anymore - i mean
the very sad things
i told myself i wouldn't go out
searching for
them
and
i've kept my word
till now
but
what's the use of smiling on paper
if each line still reads
like a paper cut
and each breath still stings
like an ice cold kiss
and all the sad things came
looking for me. they're
at my door - please
understand, i had to get out

i tried calling but
all i got was 'please leave a message
after the beep'
so i did

'wish you were here'


your postcard reads



celebrate forever, san francisco


here's to never staying happy

here's to nothing ever lasts

here's to all the dead young men

going out on new years eve

---

oh, what kind of poetry do you write?

mostly the bad kind ³

---

// not in despair, just a lament ^{4 5}

---

<sup>1. The tragedy is that you'll succeed↩
2. This is water↩
3. What i've noticed is that for a poem to be really good it has to be about something other than yourself↩
4. But you know I'm finding this footnote business to be unexpectedly quite a lot of fun ↩
5. And almost dangerously addictive ↩</sup>