year of meteors pt iii

Schizophrenic year. Year of ambivalence,
of incongruous volatile polarity.
year of conflict and tensions and
opposition and duality and
interruption. Year of growing
apart and fragmentation.

Year of descent, of iridescent
spectacle. Of vanishing and
transient burning. Year of wishes
and disappointments. Year of shadows
and searching and distant flickering.
Year of trail blazing and disintegrating.

---

Leaving year. Year of departures.
Year of going and not knowing
if you'll ever come back

gross nostalgia / megacreep / you look good blues

a picture of aggregation without distinction
the whole of last year is out of focus
a blur, even more than usual
maybe it gets better
but how bad is it now
how bad is it now?

八百万

i just... i don't get it. why do you put yourself through all this rejection, through so much pain?

he took one long puff of his cigarette, then turned to face me as if he had been waiting for someone to ask him that his entire life.

so i can be accepted one day, he said.