Monday, September 30, 2013

detox my soul / the me that loves the you on display

why does my mouth feel so
ungrateful today
the words are just new sounds
expressing old dismay

---
We mortals, men and women, devour many a disappointment between breakfast and dinner-time; keep back the tears and look a little pale about the lips, and in answer to inquiries say, "Oh, nothing!"
---

I met him on a late autumn afternoon - the sun was setting and the air had begun to turn chilly when I happened upon him wandering the sidewalks like a stray cat, lost and unconcerned. 

I had finished my classes for the day and decided to walk home with Wendy, who lives just down the road.

As we turned the corner, a figure appeared to be walking - or rather, drifting at a glacial pace - toward us, head down and staring intently into his phone. He took notice of us at a distance and angled his head skeptically, squinting into the sunlight, then waved at us in a wary, unconvinced sort of way. As we drew closer, he broke into an unexpected grin.

"Hey," he said, putting away his phone. It took me a moment to realize he was addressing Wendy, not me.

He approached us with small, unmeasured steps as if in the midst of trying to remember something. This demeanour of his persisted throughout the encounter, right up to its conclusion. Even when he began to engage Wendy and myself in idle chatter his eyes betrayed the distinct glaze of a person lost in daydreaming. 

"Hey. Where are you going?"
"W h e r e am I g o i n g? Good question. Home. I'm heading home."

His speech was that of a person talking to himself - subtle and uncertain - which gave him the impression of selecting his words carefully while being completely unconcerned with the end result. His face held an expression of blank and bewildered amusement and there flashed a wistful innocence in his smile, worn down and faded as if from overuse. It seemed as though he regarded our presence with a kind of amicable incredulity - recovering gradually from the shock of our sudden intrusion upon his private reverie and still unwilling to unfasten his attention from whatever fascination had so firm and fixedly bewitched him.

---
"But some days you look up, expecting a familiar face or sign in the sky and it's not there."
---

i think i want to do things

---

They built a new bridge I have to pass beneath each day to get to uni - it's not at all pretty but I always stop to look at it

---

i want to make lists
i want to kiss


---
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
---

to spend the whole of spring dreading summer
to spend each day observing its departure
to spend your entire youth trying to be older

---

a life comprised entirely of beginnings and middles -- the more I considered it the more implausible it seemed

---

so scared to infringe upon friendships, to admit the sin of being sad

---

headlights and silhouettes passed us by -- you lay your head tenderly in my lap, and we sniffed softly all throughout winter

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