one of a kind

love is all around but sometimes I wish it were closer

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I don't always say what I mean and I don't always mean what I say but I always mean to say it that way

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I've been called insensitive twice before. It's likely that other people think the same but I've probably just never noticed.

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When I was 10 I used to call people idiots frequently - whenever they did something wrong or asked an obvious question. I said it in a venomous way, constricting the larynx and forcing the air out sharply on the first syllable, bouncing the first consonant off the roof of my mouth quickly with a tone of finality at the end. A friend's mother heard me calling her son that and reprimanded me. Since then till now I've probably only ever called two people idiots. When I was 12, I would make fun of my friend's weight. For about a year I did this and people would laugh and so did he, until one time in church camp where he shared that he was very sensitive about his weight and wished that people would stop commenting about it. I never said another word about it. Then when I was 15, I transferred schools. I made friends quite quickly there. One of my first and closest (at least I considered him that way. I'm not sure how he felt about me) friends had abundant leg hair and I would tease him about it. People would laugh and so did he, until he asked me why I was so mean to him. I realized that almost everything I said in reference to him was a thinly veiled insult, despite the fact that I bore no ill-will toward him. I think I would be more popular if I were more sarcastic, but I don't think I'd have many friends.