combo breaker

conspiracy / the vanishment of noboru wataya

it is no secret that he loves to stray
padded paws drawn down the deserted alleyways
impervious to the shame of reprimand and joy of feted praise
aloof in his labyrinthine paradise, a fortress kingdom of maze

---

if all the world's a stage and men given their roles to play
are our characters simply determined by the mask of time and place
(are my actions the result of a fate bestowed face)

---

please don't set me free, I'm as happy as can be

yolo / 人間

remember how faust traded his soul for a single moment of bliss

yeah but he got to heaven in the end, didn't he

a thin smile plays about his lips. sure, of course he did

---

"Babe, could you give me a hand?" I call out from across the hall

A pause.       "Yeah sure," she yells back casually. It wasn't a particularly long pause - just slightly longer than it would've normally taken to process the words and form a reply - but it was definitely something. An ominous absence that briefly hung in the air before being swept under the rug - a dense silence just wide enough to mask some visceral response. There was something disconcerting about the amount of time that elapsed between us - an extra beat that disrupted the natural flow of things. Pauses like that make me nervous.

disfigured goddess / cookie cutter

light lace draped
over the intimate
crevasse in cream
they say that love
is blind, but how
do blind men dream

---

we do a dangerous dance
with the tips of our tongues
beset by rows of ceramic knives
we set precariously upon
these sharpened sides
teetering twixt a previous life
and remembered lies
that I have memorized
and been mesmerized by

princess complex

世界でいちばんおひめさま

そういう扱い心得てよね

---

sixteen year old girl
of herself she thinks
the world, scowling
incessant demands
arms akimbo
impatient and regal
a tiny tyrant
the miniature monarch
her terrible temper
and bad behaviour
oddly endearing
I used to despise
girls like you
now I just find it
cute, girls deserve
to be spoiled
every now and again
can't give you the world
but I'll do what I can

old possum

you spend years being taught to decipher a man's carefully constructed riddles - a solemnly bequeathed, elegant parcel of his thoughts; my question is - are they worth the effort of solving?

vanishing act

war stories

The world has scaled down considerably. Wars are no longer waged on open plains but in small rooms with flashing buttons and screens.

---

One man's wit and strength is rarely enough to win anymore, and even if it is, there are no epic poems written about their trials or feats. Nowadays, men with intelligence and persuasion are elected to lead and represent or work behind the scenes to put kings in place and take office in parliament or government. Those who are physically strong are relegated to spending their days competing for applause, and told to train with the aim of dominating a single field.

Men of character need and seek positions of power, or is it the other way round? I suppose for some the call of glory is louder; the allure of adventure more fragrant. These are characters destined for greatness and tragically fated, with no choice but to seize the sword.

If they existed now, they'd find themselves redundant. With no great cause to fight for, they'd end up fighting for themselves. Such stories of old were meant to inspire adventure and spur men on to win wars and save damsels. The tradition carries on with the advent of superheroes - modern day Achilleses, Herculeses and Ulysseses - symbols championing the strength of men - who, after accomplishing so many incredible things, all met their end. In this day and age, I wonder what we can learn from them.

caged

don't take this the wrong way, but your boyfriend is a great source of amusement to me

---

with dogs, you have to rule them for them to respect you. with cats, you have to leave them alone to get them to like you, and with humans, doing either will eventually cause them to hate you

---

a cat who wishes to be a dog

---

There's a reason people feel excited about going to clubs. I think it's because, deep within us, welded to the darkest, ugliest corner of our being is the base and vile desire to become animals again

Peter / Icarus

He looked at me with twinkling eyes

a gaze that said 'you'll be alright'

'I'm right behind you, don't worry', he said

to a ten year old, saddled and filled with dread

that's right, I was promised a pair of hands

to guide and protect, to help me land

so I looked straight ahead and gripped tight the bike handles

I started to peddle, testing the mettle of my sandals

faster and faster, my heart began to race

with a touch of wind and the sun in my face

I was cruising now, on my own momentum

safe from gravity and other such phantoms

I had earned my wings, a glorious pair

soaring at rapturous speed without care

the embrace of the air, a sensation to share

but when I turned to look, my dad wasn't there

the panic and pride, they did coincide

the wheels still spinning, trying not to collide

I toppled ungainly and fell on my side

never before had I ridden a wilder ride

in the distance I spotted a figure grinning wide

my dad unmistakable with his pair of twinkling eyes

I lay in the shade as he shielded me from the sun

his victorious silhouette, lean and burnt from races run

arm outstretched, covered in scrapes and bruises of his own

extended hand, by nature coarse but gentle toward flesh and bone

still the same old shorts, shirt and head of graying hair

that's when I finally knew, my dad had always been there

worker bee

this human being constantly requires new songs to sing

---

am I getting tired of myself or just my reflection?

---

tryna conquer loneliness on my own

Schrodinger

I am determined to get a cat

---

A year ago, the road ahead was rife with possibility, infinite possible outcomes - the people I'd meet, the things I'd learn, the food I'd eat. All I had were ideas and expectations - ideas that could've become reality. Concerns that could've come true. Past attempts at predicting the future have proven futile, so I chose to just let nature take its course. One year later, my path is somewhat set and has been shaped by previous decisions, to an extent. Looking back though, it feels as though this was the only possible future - as much as I try, I can't seem to imagine a different one. Somehow, I can't help but think that certain events and certain people gravitate towards each other - as much as I try to steer the rudder, the course is still largely determined by the wind and waves. If one person were removed from your life, would you unconsciously try to replace them with someone similar? Is it possible to miss something you've never had? Of course, there are always things that you wish you could've done differently, but I get the feeling that no matter what you do, there are some things that just don't change/will always turn out the same.

---

A guy wearing large black spectacles passes by. He could've been my friend, perhaps, if I had met him at the start of the first term, back when nobody really knew each other and it was acceptable to talk to complete strangers. There's a lady sitting on the park bench by the lake, eating a sandwich with bits of filling dropping into her lap. That could've been my sandwich, with filling dropping into my lap. I could have been sitting there today. We could both have been sitting there, together. Bits of a hypothetical exchange whizz through my mind: Hi. Hello.     Um... your lap, there's some...   Oh .. Oh dear. And then an awkward silence as she fumbles around in embarrassment trying to get her skirt clean. But thankfully, I'm not sitting there today. Today I'm on a tight schedule; one that does not have room for benches and sandwiches. I have to hurry back to halls before dinner ends to get my food and watch my friends take turns opening and closing their mouths before returning to my room to sit at my computer and wonder wistfully at all the other places I could possibly be.

---

bear in mind that if you ever accomplish something great, your baseless claims and random declarations will be debated and quoted, in and out of context, for generations

mens rea

---

you know you can't stay popular forever, right?

we'll see about that


---

5 years ago, I had a dream that you and I kissed. We were in a white, immaculate room. Your face was inches away, eyes gazing, unblinking, into mine. I couldn't move - I was mesmerized. There were no thoughts, no worries or observations. I was in a trance - a state of mind where I could not do anything but process my surroundings in thick swathes of pure sensory input - every sound, sight and smell amplified a hundredfold.

Your eyes and soft milky skin seemed to glow as you began to lean in steadily, inch by inch. I slowly, unknowingly tilted my head to accommodate the angle of yours as, inexorably, we were drawn closer and closer together, as if the very atoms and molecules of our bodies longed to meet and embrace each other. Time seemed to stretch into infinity as our features approached, asymptotically, as if they'd never reach. And then for a moment, everything stopped - a single layer of electrons, stationary, hung between us like a veil - their infinitesimal forces of resistance the only thing keeping us apart. And then we kissed. The world ceased to exist save for the sensation of your soft lips pressed upon mine, passionate but tempered with grace. I was consumed by peace like I had never known. Comfort and security flooded my consciousness. And closeness as well, as if our spirits had coalesced to form a perfect union. Like pieces fitting into a puzzle, we melted into each other and something just clicked into place. It was so natural; it felt so right.

It lasted an eternity, and then a moment. As I returned to my body we silently exchanged glances. It was apparent in our body language that we were both feeling the lingering warmth of sharing the same surreal experience, as well as the strange disconnectedness and discontent of being apart again. I glimpsed a shade of wonderment and awe in your expression, and then a sheepish smile. I must have looked the same. Neither of us knew what it meant, but we understood each other perfectly.

I'm not sure what else transpired after that, but when I awoke I could recall the dream in vivid detail as if it had actually just happened. And that's when I began to feel a heavy sense of unease, as if someone had just pulled the rug out from under my feet. The realization hit me hard; the event had been nothing more than an illusion. I was suddenly faced with a devastating dilemma - could a kiss that never existed manifest something real or was it all simply imagined? Later that day, my eyes refused to meet yours. You talked and laughed about some anecdote, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was thinking about your impostor instead.

back to basics

눈이 너무 높다 너

키가 원래 큰걸 어떻게

---

this post is brought to you by the letter ᄂ

---

wish I had someone to tell me when I'm writing rubbish

future liger

君という花

I don't like myself as much as I used to, but still, the current revision seems to prefer itself to older editions

모르죠 (아직도)

a life that's been shaped by others' absences

---

분위기 이상한다는 것 - farewells where only one person knows they're leaving

fighter's block

when you feel brave and decide to do something, that's foolhardy
when you feel afraid but decide to do something, that's bravery
and neither option will save you from failing miserably

---

I liked the idea of soulpancake, but like so many things, it didn't exactly deliver on everything it said it would
There were just too many statements that weren't being solicited, too many questions that weren't being asked and too many answers that didn't want to be questioned.

---

when you leave out information, deliberately or otherwise, chances are that it's not because you think something isn't worth explaining; it's either because you don't think the other party will understand even if you elaborate or because you're confident that the other party will be able to ( ) even if you don't ( ).

---

a world where everything is explained away instantly - I don't think I'd want to live there

---

at least I tried

Q&A

desperately trying to populate my world with real people (without making any effort to change)

---

I wonder how snakes developed their venom - whether it got more and more toxic over time. I suppose to make up for their lack of appendages they had to find a quick way of incapacitating their prey.

The less effective your physical attributes are at killing, the more your chemical attributes have to be; I suppose that makes sense - that something you lack is made up for in a different way; I mean, if snakes were so heavily disadvantaged, they would have gone extinct a long time ago.

But if that's the case, since our blood and saliva are harmless to most species, does that mean we have a greater physical potential to harm, or has that mechanism developed along a different avenue?

---

it's not always about the girl

---

Hee Jun. He says it calm and cool, like a salesman presenting a shiny new product.

Oh?   like the singer. 

He furrows his brow in a manner only rich people know how. Excuse me?

Undeterred, I continue to play the nice guy. Moon Hee Jun, from H.O.T? He's a celebrity.

Oh    ok. He makes no effort to hide his indifference. The bastard.  

   You've really never heard of him?

No.  And my surname is Ahn by the way

---

There's this really good Japanese movie, based on a manga, called Solanin that I saw a few years ago. In the movie, there's a scene where, right after Meiko quits her job, her boyfriend sees a red balloon wandering past as he's getting ready to go to work. Later, when Meiko wakes up and ventures out onto the balcony, she finds a red balloon hovering just beyond the terrace. (I know, so far it sounds sort of like an M Night Shamalayan movie, but just bear with me) As she reaches for the string, it floats up and slips out of her grasp, soaring away, up towards the vast blue sky. Meiko stares after it wistfully.

Ever since, I've been trying to figure out the significance of the elusive balloon. Perhaps it means letting go of your childhood and growing up. Or the futility of trying to hold on to something that is constantly being drawn away. Or something about freedom perhaps

---

Do you feel as though some traits are handed down through our DNA - things beyond temperament and IQ - like actual habits and patterns of thought? I do. Perhaps it's simply a matter of being around them for so long, but sometimes I feel that parts of me and the things I do are not only genetically predisposed but almost analogous to my relatives. When I give directions, I see my uncle in me. When I tell a joke, it's a little bit of my dad tempered with a little of my granddad on my mom's side. When I eat noodles and wear flip-flops, I see my dad's brother and his son, my cousin. Am I the only one who experiences this?

---

It might just be my ignorance speaking, but I feel like Korean's a little more malleable than Japanese - that the rules governing sentence structure and syntax aren't as rigid.

---

because you think that the darkness defines you, but you don't have to. Don't let that define you

Kepral's syndrome

stories - everyone has a few
how you met your spouse
how you became a Christian
If real relationship - always breathtaking journey, engaging tale (pun intended)
like a modern day quest to find treasure - in a way it is

---

I am interested in your character and your soul.
Unfortunately, everything else - my hands and my eyes, for instance - only care about your body and your face, and perhaps the way you laugh. The fact that these things and I are currently connected may lead me to appreciate you more or appreciate you less. But don't worry too much. As I get older, my body will start to die - and along with it, its desires,

I think.

---

why is it harder to be oneself when more people are watching

---

steadily approaching that dreaded state
where everybody loves me for my self-imposed hate

---

well, I guess you could say I'm a collector of sorts

what do you collect?

  feelings,        that sort of thing

막춤 / 말투

自摸

sometimes insightful social commentary can come in the form of... well... this

---

fun fact: the literal meaning of this post's title is 'touch-self' and is exclaimed when a player draws the winning card in mahjong. Not sure if Cantonese people find this as amusing as I do

particle physics / rabbit hole

the cool thing about the business of creating worlds, whether they be in books or film, is that the people involved don't do it primarily for the money, but simply because they love doing it

---



why is the world so obsessed with outward appeara- oh wow... Wow

---

all this from lines of code and words on a screen -

if we can predict and simulate the behaviour of our environment with such complete accuracy, what's to stop us from rendering it in a quality beyond what we can ordinarily perceive?

노출 / overdone

 못생겼잖아, 오빠 

안 못 생겼는데

---

what is it about university that makes everyone worse

---

overwhelmed by ulterior motives

---

나 빙글빙글 돌아 내 여기저긴 쓔쓩
터질 것만 같아 something is going on
내 친구들은 말해 I act a little f-f-funny
어쩔 수가 없어, I got so much of love in me, oh

prometheus

There is still much I don't know about the world; particularly the systems installed by men to keep themselves in check

also, other curious inventions - cultures, traditions - and their origins
I'd better stop listing now, or else it'll never end

---

the ancient greeks never had video games

beauty queen

I held in my hand a single pound coin
and on it, a sober lady's aged visage -
well worn and scratched all over
her delicate name almost fully etched out
from being freely shared and profusely used
initially crafted with care, but now mass produced
she circulates well and gets around
but is considered of little worth now

---

I have forgotten all my econs

---

- Hey have u heard IU's new album?

- Ew no. I listen to Leessang now

드디어 내 친구가 한국 hipster 를 되어있어

p-p-p-paradox

Completely unprepared to tackle such an endeavour, but must attempt it to be fully convinced

---

to be wise requires some sacrifice - you pay a price to obtain a prize

---

we never got the chance to discover each other's names, the only difference is that I kept dreaming up new ones for you

---

the following conversation takes place in a house with a guitar and many photographs, few paintings and only one bathroom. The bedroom curtains are open and the windows are still wet from a scattered afternoon shower, the raindrops softening the generous strip of light that runs across the floor and onto the bed, replete with tangled sheets, grazing the limbs and eyelashes of the girl sprawled out upon it. Beside her, sitting on the rug with his back leaning against the frame, a guy with some stubble and pretty lousy clothes stares intently into the pages of some paperback novel.

- hey

-  ?

- let's get married

-      ...               no thanks

-  I'm being serious


- so am I

-      why don't you wanna marry me?
[a rustling of sheets as she moves her face closer to kiss him]
- your feet stink
[he turns his head to intercept her lips.    touchdown]
-       fair enough                  but seriously though         don't you ever think about        you know   getting married?

-            of course I do

- but you don't want to

-     no        I do, it's just         not right now                

- but someday?


-  yeah           someday



-                                    so why not now


-           I   just    don't think we're ready yet




[a pregnant pause] 



-   I guess you're right                                                            It's definitely not because you don't love me, right

- no, of course not

- and my smelly feet      do you love them too
[she smiles]
- absolutely, I do

blue notebook

wife, not lover (but that was when you met her)

---

Supposedly, there are different stages in a man's life - warrior, lover, king, sage - or something like that

I think you're only fully qualified to become a lover once you understand how a girl should be treated, what a girl needs and what a man should provide. In addition, or as a result of knowing these things, you also learn the sorts of things that a girl longs to hear.

To be close enough to someone to be able to make them feel beautiful and loved with just a word is a tremendous gift and an incredible privilege - doubly so if you mean it. I want to mean it.

---

just say yes dear
just say yes, dear

relapse / 不用客气

I make eye contact, I say thank you with an understated effusiveness, I shake hands and show my teeth, I laugh at other people's jokes - but I'm not really sure why

---

it doesn't really help, to be honest

---

to be known by someone, the best way is to get to know them
but even then

play nice

big year

gotta stop some time / sometimes gotta stop

dear you: if we are both, in fact, destined for greatness
I hope we find each other before we get (too) famous

병아리

I'm not gonna justify myself cause I don't have to /meta

---

Japan - where every name is a painting, where the species of flowers sound like arthouse movie titles, and where even the most mundane of places are named with such meaning that every syllable is a literary triumph 

such great heights

my dream is to be a writer. In the meantime, I think I'll become a doctor

---

as much as I like to complain and make a fuss about how I'd rather be this or be that, I actually do enjoy and take an interest in the things I'm learning about. Plus, I think I have a suitable skill-set and potential to become an adequate doctor (even if lacking in compassion slightly, perhaps).

---

doctor by day, writer b-Zzzzzzz

Kafka

---

worried about(afraid of?)  becoming  too   t r a n s p a r e n t

too much / TV를 껐네

I want too much to be connected deeply
to feel your stories surface beneath me
to let them fill the empty spaces
between our bodies, between our faces

the songs that stem from behind your eyes
kicking and writhing as they come alive
swelling up eagerly to meet and surround
their scars to bear as engravings profound

I want for our souls to intertwine
gentle like limbs of entangled vines
blossoming lips, a caress of spring
an intercourse of beautiful and broken things

Pyrrhic victory

[ Dangyunhaji in Korean means 'of course!' implying that you vehemently agree with the other party. The object of this game is to beat the opponent by getting him/her to admit to embarrassing statements. When it gets to the point where one person cannot say 'Dangyunhaji', the game is over. ((Even though I said the object of the game was to embarrass the other party, these two are a special case; they have a slightly different agenda. Also, LOTR music ftw)) ]



---

came back with flags on coffins and said we won, oh we won