ham sup lo

"i'm very autistic"

"do you mean artistic?"

"no."

---

mistaking for beauty what is merely youth

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What does it mean to be 'in love'? Attraction, surely. But is that all? After all, there are many ways to be attracted to someone. Does that mean you are in love with everyone? Colloquially two people are considered 'in love' if they at least like each other and are able to generate a non-negligible amount of sexual attraction / compatibility for each other. Based on this criteria,  people should be falling in love all the time. The question is - should these people then stay together - if it's that easy to fall in love - what's to keep them from falling in love with the next good looking hunk / babe who passes by? Is there something more to falling in love than fondness and sexual attraction? What are these elusive components that make us believe we are genuinely in love with someone - as opposed to merely sexually attracted to them?

Essentially: why do people date each other? What is the rationale behind forming such a relationship, leaving one, and staying in one?


It starts with physical attraction, an attribute you'd imagine easy to isolate and quantify. On the surface sure, as physical beauty can be defined as any attribute whic is a positive indicator of health. Acne = disease = bad genes, poor survival for offspring hence not attractive. Obesity = disease = genetic predisposition for adipose tissue, poor surival for offspring and so forth. So by grooming ourselves we are signalling that we are healthy mates, capable of producing healthy offspring. But that's not all.

but to compound matters, somethings about a person that we might consider beautiful have nothing at all to do with the future health of our offspring. This is a matter of aesthetic beauty. That which has no bearing on health. The beauty of a rainy day, the beauty of the moon, a perfect arrangement of books, the beauty of the sunrise. That which is striking, rare, arresting, affecting. that which captivates our sense of wonder, which opens up realms of possibility, mystery. It piques our sense of adventure. All of this contributes to our assessment of outward beauty.

(Eroticism has more to do with 'hunger' than 'beauty' in that it stems from sexual desire which stems from the biological drive to procreate - namely the various neurochemical incentives built into our species to realise this imperative. endorphins, surge of intimacy and tenderness following oxytocin release, the ecstasy and high of dopamine and the tranquility of serotonin and the fulfilment of prolactin, the satisfaction, the gratification, the reward. Eroticism is simply the tantalising promise of such, usually an allusion to the provision of such sensory pleasure described above coupled with the suggestion that one is capable and willing to facilitate this.)

It's possible to like someone for being 'good looking.' They provide an aesthetic pleasure, a sensory reward, and as such being in their presence is a pleasurable experience.

Admiration, veneration for their ability or talent in some sphere
positive feeling. Able to do something you aren't, or something to a high level. This sets them apart and makes them 'special.' Why is specialness attractive, apart from greater visiblity, ability to be noticed more? Ability. = Strength?

Complicated - some people will be attracted to specialness for its own sake, usually selfish motive, wanting to claim it, to possess it in order to feel special themselves, to plaigarise.

the other reason you like someone who can play the piano or paint is because you Appreciate music or paintings for their own sake, and therefore someone who can create or reproduce renderings of these is highly valued. If you like oranges, wouldn't you prefer someone who could grow oranges to someone who couldn't.

Providence - ability to provide more than pleasure, someone who can take care of other needs, emotional needs. Who will be supportive - patient. This is why people who can cook are attractive. If they can feed us, if they can build things, fix things, put a roof over your head. This is a desire for self-preservation, if your future mate can do this, it would be advantageous to enter into a social agreement with this person.

Familiarity - similar to previous relationships, usually formative years. someone who treats us the way our father or mother did, would be attractive to us. Would remind us of ourselves. Seem like a link to the past. familiar = safe. We like safety, we don't like uncertainty. The devil you know.

Understanding. / kinship:  1. You both look at the same thing and say the same thing. You see the same sunset and think of the same song. You hear the same song and feel the same thing. Sensibility and taste.  2. Also understanding of each other, to outline their emotions, to place the self in your partner's shoes and an ability to decipher their external behaviours and extrapolate their internal states. An ability to deduce their motivations, machinations, desires, hopes and fears. This is attractive because.... Why do we want other people to know our thoughts? Why is this important to us?