Tuesday, March 31, 2015

white girls in love / 私の明石




“I made up my mind I was going to find someone who would love me unconditionally three hundred and sixty five days a year, I was still in elementary school at the time - fifth or sixth grade - but I made up my mind once and for all.” 
“Wow,” I said. “Did the search pay off?” 
“That’s the hard part,” said Midori. She watched the rising smoke for a while, thinking. “I guess I’ve been waiting so long I’m looking for perfection. That makes it tough.” 
“Waiting for the perfect love?” 
“No, even I know better than that. I’m looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you’re doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don’t want it anymore and throw it out the window. That’s what I’m looking for.” 
“I’m not sure that has anything to do with love,” I said with some amazement. 
“It does,” she said. “You just don’t know it. There are time in a girl’s life when things like that are incredibly important.” 
“Things like throwing strawberry shortcake out the window?” 
“Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me. “Now I see, Midori. What a fool I have been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortcake. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I’ll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate Mousse? Cheesecake?” 
“So then what?” 
“So then I’d give him all the love he deserves for what he’s done.” 
“Sounds crazy to me.” 
“Well, to me, that’s what love is…”

- Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood 

Monday, March 23, 2015

in tune and out of tone / sweaty teens with too many dreams

my baby sounds so good
when she screams 1

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now all i need is a hundred effects pedals and i'll be complete

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Gideon arrived just in time to hear a man tell his friend a dream. He said, “I had this dream: A loaf of barley bread tumbled into the Midianite camp. It came to the tent and hit it so hard it collapsed. The tent fell!” 
His friend said, “This has to be the sword of Gideon son of Joash, the Israelite! God has turned Midian—the whole camp!—over to him.” When Gideon heard the telling of the dream and its interpretation, he went to his knees before God in prayer. Then he went back to the Israelite camp and said, “Get up and get going! God has just given us the Midianite army!”

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Back when dreams used to mean something


1. context: i bought an electric guitar ↩

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

busybody aunty

the rapid elimination/eradication/obliteration of distance and its consequences1 2 3

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Her father was a doctor called out on Christmas Eve when she was a little girl and shot by communists. that's why she doesn't celebrate Christmas.

In those days, being sent to the UK in a plane took 7 days to reach. They'd stop over in Cyprus and Rome and the co pilot at the time fancied her and took her round in a cheongsam, she told me looking quite pleased with herself - back then, she said, a boat took 21 days - "nowadays where got people got time for that!"

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But all the same," insisted the Savage, "it is natural to believe in God when you’re alone–quite alone, in the night, thinking about death …"  
 “But people never are alone now,” said Mustapha Mond. “We make them hate solitude; and we arrange their lives so that it’s almost impossible for them ever to have it."
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buffering



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Remember when we used to be sad and lonely and the only way to get it off our chests was to interrupt the busy life of a friend and talk about it / nothing for an hour or two or if that didn't work to arrange to meet up and back then we genuinely enjoyed meeting up and being around each other - we appreciated the time spent together as a welcome distraction from the everyday miseries of living. We didn't regard the appointment with anxiety, weren't constantly eyeing the quickest route of escape in case things got uncomfortable, checking our phones to see what was going on elsewhere without us. An element of greed perhaps. We used to be able to live in the moment. We used to fill each others' empty cups with happiness. Now we hide them from each other.

We're so busy and focussed on ourselves, our own lives and pursuits. Everything else is a hindrance. Outside involvement is a synonym for something that gets in the way of us getting our own way. We don't have time anymore to call each other up for an hour. Why would anyone bother with that when instant gratification is available for a pittance. When the solution is always within reach, immediately relieved at the swipe of a fingertip. We don't have time anymore to be sad. to be lonely. to be bored. We have no time for bad things. We have no time for good things either. Nowadays where got people got time for that

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As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" 
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." 
-Luke 10:38-42



1. Maybe we take for granted each other the same way we grow accustomed to flying a billion miles high in the air and arriving halfway round the world in the time it takes you to sleep and wake up ↩
2. "There is more to life than increasing its speed." - Mahatma Gandhi ↩
3. "Are you really crazybusy or are you just a stressed out fear based a-hole" ↩

Saturday, March 14, 2015

take me to church

To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness. 
- Bertrand Russell 
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the principle behind lent and fasting in general is that the power of will that enables someone to abstain from vice / an indulgence is the same energy that enables someone to engage in virtue / a discipline

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1. what you do in private is more important than how you behave in public

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When Jesus had finished speaking, a Pharisee invited him to eat with him; so he went in and reclined at the table. But the Pharisee, noticing that Jesus did not first wash before the meal, was surprised. Then the Lord said to him, "Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? But give what is inside the dish to the poor, and everything will be clean for you. 
Woe to you Pharisees, because you give God a tenth of your mint, rue and all other kinds of garden herbs, but you neglect justice and the love of God. You should have practised the latter without leaving the former undone. 
Woe to you Pharisees, because you love the most important seats in the synagogues and greetings in the market-places. 
Woe to you, because you are like unmarked graves, which men walk over without knowing it. 
One of the experts in the law answered him, "Teacher, when you say these things, you insult us also." 
Jesus replied, "And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them. Woe to you, because you build tombs for the prophets, and it was your forefathers who killed them. 
[...]
Woe to you experts in the law, because you have taken away the key to knowledge. You yourselves have not entered, and you have hindered those who were entering."
[...] 
Meanwhile, when a crowd of many thousands had gathered, so that they were trampling on one another, Jesus began to speak first to his disciples, saying: "Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs."

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One thing that really struck me this week is how the poor and diseased, downtrodden and undesirable members of society got kind and compassionate Jesus. but how the wealthy and powerful Pharisees got angry and indignant Jesus. It's interesting to note as well that his main gripe with them was how they treated, or mistreated rather, the outcasts of society - the untouchables. If you think about it, in every recorded interaction between Jesus and someone who on the outside was 'evil', unclean or unacceptable, he treats them with a kindness and respect normally reserved for acquaintances and respectable looking strangers - but when he talks to the Pharisees, who are supposedly the most learned and influential members of society, he talks to them like a gang of young punks who go around bullying and extorting money from his friends. It's almost personal, the way and intensity with which he rebukes the Pharisees.

His second charge against them is hypocrisy. He curses them for having the outward appearance of cleanliness while actually being rotten inside. Of being obsessed with rule-keeping and the appearance of righteousness, instead of actually seeking justice and showing love to those who need it most. I think it was the pretence that got him so wound up - that really ticked him off. Not the sin. Throughout Jesus's ministry he comes face to face with people who, by lawful definition, which is to say, by the Pharisees' reckoning, are labelled 'sinners' i.e. Levi the tax collector, the Samaritan woman at the well. And yet you don't see him condemning or berating any of them.

I think it's partly 1. because they don't claim to be righteous when they aren't - as in they aren't trying to trick others and delude themselves into thinking they aren't sinners - but also 2. because they aren't the ones responsible for keeping the law and therefore carry a bigger obligation to help the poor and the sick and the needy. It's like how you'd be harsher on a policeman or a judge committing a felony than if it was a 'regular' person who did it. Their civic duty, so much higher and heavier than the rest of ours, is therefore all the more appalling when it is neglected. With great power comes great responsibility etc. (Who am I? I am a cliche)

I feel like in Jesus' economy of mercy, the only thing worse than a sinner is a sinner who doesn't admit to being one and pretends to be good instead. And a small subset of them even go so far as to claim themselves experts of the law - and worse still - feel no guilt or shame at brandishing their status like a trophy and quietly lording it over others in the synagogue and marketplace. A man so spiritually dead he doesn't even feel the prick of his conscience.

So it got me thinking - who are the Pharisees of today? People who claim to know the law and keep it. People who are morally obligated to be righteous and show love to all members of society. Do the new Pharisees go to church on Sundays? Do they turn up for bible study on Fridays and quote scripture during small group discussion? Do they sometimes post bible verses as their fb statuses? Do they study medicine at university? Do they think of themselves as good people, morally upstanding, maybe even better than most?

I wonder if I were to invite Jesus in for a meal - welcome him into my house, cook him some spaghetti bolognaise - I wonder if I'd get kind and compassionate Jesus, or if maybe I'd warrant a good scolding instead

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Peter said to him, "Even if everyone else abandons you, I never will."

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Otaku Homecoming

You know it’s hard to say. I know a certain amount of it parallels my own experience, which was that I got real lucky early on in my twenties and had some career success and got a lot of the stuff that I thought, “If only I could get that then I would be all right,” and then discovering that I wasn’t. This sounds kind of embarrassing. I was raised in an academic environment and in a pretty middle-class one. I’d never really seen how a lot of other people lived. My chance to see that was here in Boston, and a lot of it was in the halfway houses for this book. I didn’t really understand emotionally that there are people around who didn’t have enough to eat, who weren’t warm enough, who didn’t have a place to live, whose parents beat the hell out of them regularly. And again when you say it it sounds really clichéd and blah blah blah blah. We read about it in newspapers, but to get to look into the eyes of people like this… 
- Lost Interview with David Foster Wallace

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After I became a waiter, I always treated waiters very nicely

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Imagine a homeless person. Someone poor, sick, crippled, needy. Now imagine yourself as that person. Imagine that this was your life, and that you would wake up every day to the unfair consequences of your misfortune, and that life is so much harsher to you than it is to other people, and they, the other people, walk around completely focussed on their own pains and pleasures, oblivious to your own monumental struggles, when they with their blessings of excess could so easily alleviate your suffering, even momentarily, at minimal cost to themselves. But strangely none of them are willing. Imagine yourself in their shoes, and consider what a different reality they experience. What horrors and indignities they face that we couldn't even begin to imagine. How much each waking moment of their lives differs so vastly from ours, and how uncanny the thought - that these are real people - not characters in a book or anonymous caricatures in the news - but people as real and alive and respiring as yourself - literally starving, essentially drowning, physically dying. That they inhabit the same planet, the same country, the same city as you, and how it hardly ever occurs to you to think of how much and the way they suffer. (and even if it does, how our imaginings barely scratch the surface.)

Ok good, now that you've imagined being in their shoes, next imagine that you died and came back to earth as yourself, just as you are right now. And ask yourself, would I choose to live any differently? I wonder if I would

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“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ 
- Matthew 25:31-40

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For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 
- Galatians 5:14

pure pure requiem