year of epiphanies

The problem with two people looking to just have fun, it seems, is the same problem as going to church looking to strike up a conversation with someone with the intention of 'just having fun' with no strings attached. What tends to happen is that you hurry through the small talk and pleasantries at a pace likely neither of you is comfortable with and eventually the interaction has to end, at which point whoever is feeling less interested usually initiates the termination. This leaves the other feeling let down and unappealing. Or else the other stays out of courtesy and unless they strike upon something genuine, the conversation will continue to wither and leave both parties unsatisfied. Unfulfilled is the word that best describes the feeling that follows. When two people want to 'just have fun' they want a mutually pleasing experience. In this analogy, that might translate to flattering the other person and offering compliments on their appearance, demeanor, family background, but you can only compliment sincerely as far as you know someone, and anything other than a sincere compliment will fall flat, feel hollow and ultimately achieve the opposite of the intended effect which is to make the other person feel good about themselves. Occasionally you will happen upon a spark which lights up the two participants and propels the conversation forward into stimulating, thoughtful, enlightening territory, but then why let this happen under the pretext of 'just having fun' when you can do it under the heading 'getting to know someone' - because that is what you're doing at that point - discovering each other, and liking what you find.

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by the end of your first year you will find that you can manifest good-naturedness at will, or at least the appearance of good-naturedness, also known as 'turning on the charm'. This means applying to your personality a thin veneer of congeniality. How convincing the veneer is varies from person to person, but it's one of those things you absorb by osmosis, because the nurses are masters at it. You will regard this new ability with much consternation because 'behaving a certain way to get people to like you' sounds manipulative and superficial. And it is. However, you will find that this ability is invaluable in getting people to trust you, getting people to feel comfortable around you and getting people to help you treat the patient. Affecting a professional manner that is not natural to you is called professionalism. Affecting a pleasant, gregarious manner at work is not unethical, as long as the motive is unselfish.

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wise as serpents, innocent as doves