calm down Sisyphus / we're sick for the big sun

stuck in lower Manhattan
all the smiles I saved for a rainy day
so far away

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do i recover when i write or do i write when i recover

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I never cared about the sun till I came to the UK. Now, however, whenever it dawns on me, I treat it as such a blessed - almost sacred - encounter. I stop for a minute - sometimes two - just standing in my kitchen, staring out the window clutching my coffee or hot chocolate or whatever in silent awe of all the insignificant and serendipitous events which must have conspired in order for us to meet, like some kind of cold and desperate lunatic.

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- there's a difference between stubbornness and tenacity you know
- what's that
- tenacity is the quality of persisting for as long as you believe a pursuit is worthwhile 
- so what's stubbornness
- not knowing when to give up

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there's something seductive about the stage - the miraculous distance; at once trivial yet insurmountable - the anonymous admirer, alone in the crowd, intently observing and safely beguiled

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so come on down
standing on your pedestal babe
don't you want to get together

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safe stimulation, tame titillation

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- dear internet, will you provide the answer to this downward spiral of boredom and anxiety I've fallen into?
- define 'answer'
- a solution
- what are you hoping to solve
- myself

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- dear internet, can you provide me some kind of escape from this stupefying sinkhole of boredom and anxiety I find myself trapped in?
- here, try watching these 100 youtube videos
- ok




- dear internet, I watched all those youtube videos but now I just feel terrible about myself, like worse than before. what should I do?
- oh dear, try watching another 100. maybe that will help
- good idea