relient k sunday

calm down Sisyphus / we're sick for the big sun

stuck in lower Manhattan
all the smiles I saved for a rainy day
so far away

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do i recover when i write or do i write when i recover

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I never cared about the sun till I came to the UK. Now, however, whenever it dawns on me, I treat it as such a blessed - almost sacred - encounter. I stop for a minute - sometimes two - just standing in my kitchen, staring out the window clutching my coffee or hot chocolate or whatever in silent awe of all the insignificant and serendipitous events which must have conspired in order for us to meet, like some kind of cold and desperate lunatic.

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- there's a difference between stubbornness and tenacity you know
- what's that
- tenacity is the quality of persisting for as long as you believe a pursuit is worthwhile 
- so what's stubbornness
- not knowing when to give up

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there's something seductive about the stage - the miraculous distance; at once trivial yet insurmountable - the anonymous admirer, alone in the crowd, intently observing and safely beguiled

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so come on down
standing on your pedestal babe
don't you want to get together

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safe stimulation, tame titillation

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- dear internet, will you provide the answer to this downward spiral of boredom and anxiety I've fallen into?
- define 'answer'
- a solution
- what are you hoping to solve
- myself

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- dear internet, can you provide me some kind of escape from this stupefying sinkhole of boredom and anxiety I find myself trapped in?
- here, try watching these 100 youtube videos
- ok




- dear internet, I watched all those youtube videos but now I just feel terrible about myself, like worse than before. what should I do?
- oh dear, try watching another 100. maybe that will help
- good idea

vice verses

And I said, What are you willing to give me, and I will deliver Him to you? And they weighed out to me thirty pieces of silver.

square one

no one cares about the new year once it's over

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read this when your heart is breaking, when the skies are bleak and the clouds come in, when the world opens its mouth and swallows you whole. read this after spending twenty five hours in the library without sleep, read this when you have no strength to weep, read this at 4am alone, read this surrounded by people you don't know, read this in the dark, read this when you've fallen in love, read this when you've fallen out of it. read this on a day where nothing is special and you've woken up late and there's no time to eat breakfast and you've missed your train and the wind is harsh and the cold is hurting you. read this when your heart is pining for someone who doesn't know you exist. read this after screwing up your job interview (not while or during). read this when people talk too loud and you can no longer hear the beauty in their voices or find the meaning in their poetry. read this after breaking all your promises and disappointing everyone you know. read this when you have nothing left to say, when you can no longer hear the beauty in your own voice or find meaning in your own poetry. read this when you are old and gray. then stop reading and recover. remember that things will eventually get better as inevitably as they are bound to get worse. remember the past without getting stuck in it. remember that life is not as bad as you make it out to be. remember your loved ones all rooting for you secretly. think back to the days of wonder and mystery and hidden meanings waiting to be uncovered and wonder what has changed. then stop wondering and go out searching for beauty and meaning again