fair weather friend

The sun flaunts its golden smile and the streets are filled with ecstasy. The clouds drift high and slow across the sky like a crowd of stark white continents across the sea. I watch the celestial procession go by - colossal immigrants, advancing steadily, then receding into oblivion like a smile or a rosy recollection. They make their way down towards the horizon, like dreamers drawn into the irresistible distance, faces inscrutable as shades of gray and silver.

substitute the sun / blue skies are calling

物の哀れ

- Hiroshi Yoshida 

the girl with the amazing immune system and the boy who couldn't cry

- what's it like to get sick? no one can seem to describe it properly

---

- what's the word for when someone you have no reason to like falls in your path and his head is right in the way of your foot and it'd be easy to just keep going and trample him underfoot but instead you go out of your way to avoid stepping on his head?

- humanity?

- no no, that's the opposite...  ah! that's right -- clemency

superstar never die

- what terrifies you?
- the parable of the talents
- care to elaborate?
- I'm afraid of wasting my life. I'm afraid of squandering my capital. Of not achieving what I should have, considering all the unfair advantages I've been given.
- you're afraid this might happen to you?
- I'm afraid it already has. I'm afraid it's too late now to do anything worthwhile with my life. That I've sunk too far, or too deep, that I've waited or put it off for too long, that I've failed to develop and now I'm trapped in this vicious cycle of meaninglessness and mediocrity from which there can be no redemption.
- what makes you think that's the case?
- well I haven't done shit all week. I haven't written anything. I haven't created anything or improved myself in any way. I've barely spoken to anyone. All I've done is eat, sleep and consume all kinds of garbage in an attempt to numb my anxiety and chase away boredom. The only difference between me and a corpse is that a corpse consumes less resources - that and I probably smell better than one, though that would depend on when he or she... you know...
- I know.
- kicked the bucket
- So you're saying your contribution to society is comparable to that of a dead person's?
- yes --  well, no - a dead person may actually be more useful. Their body can be donated to science, at least. A parasite might be more accurate - like a leech.
- Do you really believe that?
- Or a tapeworm, maybe
- If you feel this way why don't you do something about it?
- Like what? Something productive?
- something like that.
- Believe me, I've tried. You don't think I've tried? I've tried getting a job, I've tried forcing myself to write. I've tried sketching again.
- But?
- But in the end I just end up right where I started. For a little while, I feel like I'm making progress but then I  always get stuck or hit a dead end and the whole thing ends in failure - but the worst part is that each new failure seems to communicate to me that I'm the failure. That I am incapable of accomplishment and all of my endeavours will eventually amount to nothing.
- So you're not afraid of failure so much as being a failure
- Yeah, pretty much.
- I think you have trouble focusing and finishing things.
- You think?
- No need to be sarcastic. Being a failure is one thing, failing repeatedly is another.
- So which one am I
- That's up to you
- I pick the former
- * s i g h *
- Okay, I get what you're saying. You're saying not to give up right? To keep trying?
- Not exactly. From what you've told me, your lack of success is not for a lack of trying. Nor is it a result of apathy, given the amount of anguish you express over your... creative constipation.
- sorry - creative constipation?
- yes
- nice
- do you know what the definition of insanity is?
- my ex?    why do you do that, by the way - ask rhetorical questions
- because you hate cliches and conforming to norms. I'm simply providing a harmless opportunity for that to be expressed.
-     ask me again
- do you know what the definition of insanity is?
- asking a lunatic to define lunacy
- it's doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
- i like my answer better
- something has to change
- i was afraid you'd say that
- you must identify what is preventing you from focusing on and finishing your work
- what if it's due to some kind of incompetence or inadequacy beyond my power to control or change
- then at least you can stop beating yourself up over not fulfilling your potential
-

how come we don't dance like that anymore

or perhaps it's just the act of holding
old ghosts against the night
the dying infinity of 5am
that makes the past seem so far away
and yet - so alive

---

when you were sweet; when i was fun
when sun was big; when we were young

---

look at that smile
where did it go

sweet thing

come close sweet thing
move slow, don't rush
let me take it all in

draw near sweet thing
i'll kiss you soft - let's go
dancing on tuesday
and never come back
let's live on the moon
in a world of our own
- but oh

sweet thing - where
have you been? where
did you go?
what have you done?
please - sweet thing
answer me what
are you doing
no - stop sweet thing
please
stop
please
stop
please
please
no